The Alternative Hi-Fi Glossary

[CnoEvil]

BASS REFLEX - Jumping out of your skin when the Sub thunders in unexpectedly

CROSSOVER - What you do when you hear an Active speaker for the first time.......apparently

DIGITAL - Don't worry about it, as it doesn't make any difference.....apparently

FLAC - It's what you get from the O/H when upgrades are mentioned

HERTZ - Related to Flac.....It's the feeling you get when the O/H says "Absolutely Not".

IMPEDANCE - The aesthetic guidelines (stipulations) imposed by the O/H.....so goes hand in hand with Flac and Hertz

KBPS - Tricky little bstards, that the more you have, the more you argue about whether you can hear them or not

LEAD - A piece of well meant advice from a fellow forumite, that often takes you up the garden path

MIDRANGE - Sits between Budget and Highend

OHM - Short for "Ohmygod", which is used as an expletive by the O/H at something you've tried to sneak in unsuccessfully.

TUBE - A certain type of forum member (present company excepted of course!)

WATT - It's the word you say most, if you've played your music too loud for too long

Please feel free to add your own varients.

 

[chris_bates1974]

I like this post very much, and would like to offer a couple more, if I may?

CABLES - expensive pieces of copper wire that make the owner proud, but do nothing for the sound.

CABLES - value for money upgrade opportunities that vastly improve and clarify sound, making naysayers jealous.

 

[insider9]

 

[insider9]

Hifi - how you used to greet mates in the 90's

Coax - what you do as part of a cable debate

Bright - someone who knows cable debates are futile, someone who knows not to coax

 

[jjbomber]

FLAC - It's what you get from the O/H when upgrades are mentioned

POWER - What the O/H wields over you.

Hi-Fi - For americans who can't shake hands

PASSIVE - What we are when the O/H rules the roost

ACTIVE - Can't find the remote, gets up from chair

BLUETOOTH - Time for the dentist

DALI - surname of Dilli

SPEAKERS - People who talk all the way through concerts

LOW END - Saggy bottom

TV - Person of unknown gender

HIGH FREQUENCY - Often

LOW FREQUENCY - Wife has headache again

MULTI-ROOM - Wife is in 1 room but creates at atmosphere in all of them.

 

[QuestForThe13thNote]

ah yes the dilemma with those ‘streamers’ is which ‘bit’ do you put where.

 

[insider9]

So we have cables and Brexit under one roof... In a week that Stephen Hawking died what is the probability that the universe will implode?

Interconnect - universal feeling of dread every audiophile has that the components (that includes cables, isolation and mains) they're yet to try will sound better than the current system

 

[jjbomber]

RED BOOK - It used to be a Black Book full of the phone numbers of your girlfriends.

You now store your girlfriend's number in your mobile under the name 'Low Battery'. If it rings when you're with the wife, you show her the 'Low Battery' as you go to a different room out of earshot ''to find the charger''.

 

[CnoEvil]

So we have cables and Brexit under one roof... In a week that Stephen Hawking died what is the probability that the universe will implode?

Interconnect - universal feeling of dread every audiophile has that the components (that includes cables, isolation and mains) they're yet to try will sound better than the current system

DISCONNECT (from reality) - When the value of your Foo, equals the value of your system.

 

[Infiniteloop]

WOOFER: Very old Valve Amp left unattended in a hot room.

TWEETER: One who likes to share Cable findings with the rest of the world via Twitter.

KNOB: One who disagrees with everybody and everything.

 

[CnoEvil]

KNOB: One who disagrees with everybody and everything.

Similar to TUBE, but more insulting - I like it.

 

[CnoEvil]

ADDENDUM

A.R.S.E. - Acronym that stands for, Approved Resident Science Expert. These are the doughty souls, who protect the scientific integrity of the forum, stopping it from being overun by Foo-Merchants, such as myself. It's a thankless task, so they should have our admiration.

AUDIOPHILE - The drawer (or if your posh, Filing Cabinet) where you keep all those Instruction Booklets/Guarantees/Receipts and general gubbins.

BI-WIRED - It's what you find if you take an MRI of an Audiophile's brain.

DAMPING - It's what happens in a Hi-Fi enthusiasts trousers, when he hears a 100k system

INFINITE BAFFLE - Describes the total state of confusion, that the older Audiophile exibits, when confronted with all that Digital jargon.

ISOLATION - Happens after Damping, when you find yourself sitting on your own

PASSIVE - It's how you try to remain, when your Wife places a mug of hot Coffee on top of your beautifully veneered speaker; or the family Ferrit disappears into one of the Bass Ports.

PHASE - It's what you tell yourself that you're going through, when you first get into HiFi

RED BOOK - It used to be a Black Book full of the phone numbers of your girlfriends; it's now red and is full of hifi contacts.

RESOLUTION - It's what you tell yourself that you have, every time you buy that "For Life" component.

TRI-WIRED - See Bi-Wired, only better

BREXIT - Makes everything more expensive, but makes Resolution easier.

 

[jmjones]

I was chuckling to myself for some time until I read the the "Low Battery" item, and I was crying laughing for some time after that. Cno, JJ (in fact all of you) best thread in 2018 so far. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Anyway one from Terry Wogan:

NUMPTY - Sceptical observer of the various "Snake Oil" possiblilities in this hobby (Not Up My Passage, Thank You)

 

[Al ears]

ADDENDUM

A.R.S.E. - Acronym that stands for, Approved Resident Science Expert. These are the doughty souls, who protect the scientific integrity of the forum, stopping it from being overun by Foo-Merchants, such as myself. It's a thankless task, so they should have our admiration.

AUDIOPHILE - The drawer (or if your posh, Filing Cabinet) where you keep all those Instruction Booklets/Guarantees/Receipts and general gubbins.

BI-WIRED - It's what you find if you take an MRI of an Audiophile's brain.

DAMPING - It's what happens in a Hi-Fi enthusiasts trousers, when he hears a 100k system

INFINITE BAFFLE - Describes the total state of confusion, that the older Audiophile exibits, when confronted with all that Digital jargon.

ISOLATION - Happens after Damping, when you find yourself sitting on your own

PASSIVE - It's how you try to remain, when your Wife places a mug of hot Coffee on top of your beautifully veneered speaker; or the family Ferrit disappears into one of the Bass Ports.

PHASE - It's what you tell yourself that you're going through, when you first get into HiFi

RED BOOK - It used to be a Black Book full of the phone numbers of your girlfriends; it's now red and is full of hifi contacts.

RESOLUTION - It's what you tell yourself that you have, every time you buy that "For Life" component.

TRI-WIRED - See Bi-Wired, only better

BREXIT - Makes everything more expensive, but makes Resolution easier.

Love it!

 

[jimmy1]

Impedance -

hehe

 

[jjbomber]

CONDUCTORS - Describes anyone who flings their arms about while listening to their Hifi

CONDUCTORS - Used on a BUS. For non-dyslexics, that's a USB.

 

[CnoEvil]

ADDENDUM 2

COMPRESSION - Your special Hifi listening/Show Going trousers are now too tight.

DECODING - A skill needed to interpret the Other Half's heavy sarcasm, when asking if spending more money on another piece of HiFi that you don't need, is a good idea.

FIREWIRE- What happens when you spill a hot cup of coffee into your lap, when typing nonsense on a hifi forum.

HARD DRIVE - Much better than a 6" Floppy.

STANDMOUNT - Not with my back.

 

[CnoEvil]

ADDENDUM 3

BALANCED - Applies only to people who don't get dazzled by Foo.

COHERENCE - A trait only showed by technical types.

CONDUCTORS - Describes anyone who flings their arms about while listening to their Hifi

FREQUENCY - The amount of time you get to listen to your hifi (can be High, or Low)

INTERFERENCE - The act of anyone talking over your favorite tracks.

MASTER - What you'd like to be...but aren't

NOISE FLOOR - Suspended Wooden Floor

OUTER JACKET - Tweed Jacket for wearing to Hifi shows..only ever worn by men of a certain age.

PORT - The beverage of choice drunk by posh (tweed-wearing) Audiophiles...can effect Coherence

SIGNAL - The only means of communication when playing Hifi at "proper" levels.

UNBALANCED - Predominently men - who make up 90% of every Hifi forum

 

[Blacksabbath25]

ADDENDUM

A.R.S.E. - Acronym that stands for, Approved Resident Science Expert. These are the doughty souls, who protect the scientific integrity of the forum, stopping it from being overun by Foo-Merchants, such as myself. It's a thankless task, so they should have our admiration.

AUDIOPHILE - The drawer (or if your posh, Filing Cabinet) where you keep all those Instruction Booklets/Guarantees/Receipts and general gubbins.

BI-WIRED - It's what you find if you take an MRI of an Audiophile's brain.

DAMPING - It's what happens in a Hi-Fi enthusiasts trousers, when he hears a 100k system

INFINITE BAFFLE - Describes the total state of confusion, that the older Audiophile exibits, when confronted with all that Digital jargon.

ISOLATION - Happens after Damping, when you find yourself sitting on your own

PASSIVE - It's how you try to remain, when your Wife places a mug of hot Coffee on top of your beautifully veneered speaker; or the family Ferrit disappears into one of the Bass Ports.

PHASE - It's what you tell yourself that you're going through, when you first get into HiFi

RED BOOK - It used to be a Black Book full of the phone numbers of your girlfriends; it's now red and is full of hifi contacts.

RESOLUTION - It's what you tell yourself that you have, every time you buy that "For Life" component.

TRI-WIRED - See Bi-Wired, only better

BREXIT - Makes everything more expensive, but makes Resolution easier.

PASSIVE - It's how you try to remain, when your Wife places a mug of hot Coffee on top of your beautifully veneered speaker; or the family Ferrit disappears into one of the Bass Ports.

Thats very funny about the family Ferrit and i would probably kill the wife if a hot cup of coffee sat on my speakers

 

[CnoEvil]

Thats very funny about the family Ferrit..

IIRC. That actually happened on here.

 

[Blacksabbath25]

Thats very funny about the family Ferrit..

IIRC. That actually happened on here.

ideal home for a Ferrit just a bit noisy the Ferrit would have to complain to the noise police lol

 

[spiny norman]

ideal home for a Ferrit just a bit noisy the Ferrit would have to complain to the noise police lol

A ferrit? Cor!

(Anyway, I thought ferrits were supposed to reduce noise)

 

[CnoEvil]

ideal home for a Ferrit just a bit noisy the Ferrit would have to complain to the noise police lol

A ferrit? Cor!

(Anyway, I thought ferrits were supposed to reduce noise)

Damn, spelling again. *blush*

 

[lindsayt]

RESISTORS - don't fall for the persuasive sales patter of charismatic marketing men.

ARMS - used to blow digital out of the water.

TRANSFORMERS - make a lot of noise as they battle for supremacy of the Earth.

LP - Lake and Palmer after Emerson left.

 

[lindsayt]

SINGLE - what you will be if you last for 3 minutes instead of 20 minutes.