Dad jokes

[scouzzer1964]

Start my new job next week at bank, hope its safe.....

 

[Gray]

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
Cloud.

 

[jjbomber]

A voice in the back of my head keeps telling me...

I'm putting the headphones on wrong!

 

[scouzzer1964]

I bought a Toaster last week, thought it was water proof, i was shocked .

 

[scouzzer1964]

I'm starting a new dating service in Prague. It's called Czech-Mate.

 

[scouzzer1964]

Bloke walks into a pub with a load of tar on his shoulder, orders a pint, and one for the road..

 

[scouzzer1964]

Who can name the ship in the movie, Mutiny on the bounty?

 

[plastic penguin]

Not sure if it's classed as a "dad joke" but here goes.

Ham sandwich walks into a pub.
Sandwich: "Pint of lager, please"
Landlord: "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here"

 

[jjbomber]

Lady Gaga has lost 3 French Bulldogs to kidnappers as two surrendered and one ran away. If they'd been British Bulldogs they'd have stood and fought.

 

[Gray]

Bloke and wife walk into pub:

Bloke: "Do you serve crabs?"

Landlord: "Yeah but sit her in the corner"

 

[scouzzer1964]

I bought 8 legs of venison meat the other day for £40, was that two deer?