Dad jokes

[scouzzer1964]

Start my new job next week at bank, hope its safe.....

 

[Gray]

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
Cloud.

 

[jjbomber]

A voice in the back of my head keeps telling me...

I'm putting the headphones on wrong!

 

[scouzzer1964]

I bought a Toaster last week, thought it was water proof, i was shocked .

 

[scouzzer1964]

I'm starting a new dating service in Prague. It's called Czech-Mate.

 

[scouzzer1964]

Bloke walks into a pub with a load of tar on his shoulder, orders a pint, and one for the road..

 

[scouzzer1964]

Who can name the ship in the movie, Mutiny on the bounty?

 

[plastic penguin]

Not sure if it's classed as a "dad joke" but here goes.

Ham sandwich walks into a pub.
Sandwich: "Pint of lager, please"
Landlord: "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here"

 

[jjbomber]

Lady Gaga has lost 3 French Bulldogs to kidnappers as two surrendered and one ran away. If they'd been British Bulldogs they'd have stood and fought.

 

[Gray]

Bloke and wife walk into pub:

Bloke: "Do you serve crabs?"

Landlord: "Yeah but sit her in the corner"

 

[scouzzer1964]

I bought 8 legs of venison meat the other day for £40, was that two deer?

 

[warrant311]

For my birthday my children gave me an alarm clock that sweared at me instead of buzzing.

It was quite a rude awakening

Ref

 

[Vincent Kars]

These Dad Jokes Are As Funny As They Are Embarrassing… (30 PICS)

These Dad Jokes Are As Funny As They Are Embarrassing… (30 PICS)

izismile.com

 

[Tinman1952]

I found my old Hoover but I had to get rid of it. It was just gathering dust…..

 

[plastic penguin]

BREAKING NEWS BREAKING NEWS

Reports are just coming in. A lorry laden with toupees has been hijacked in South London. The Police are combing the area

 

[plastic penguin]

Last week I visited the library. The librarian shoved an encyclopedia up my trouser leg. I thought, "that's a turn-up for the books"

 

[Deleted member 197450]

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

Because it was stuck to the chickens foot.

 

[Gray]

Penguin to barman: "Has my brother been in?"
Barman: "I dunno, what does he look like?"

 

[prince albert]

I bought 8 legs of venison meat the other day for £40, was that two deer?

quite cheap really, possibly old dears

 

[Timbot]

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "you drive, I'll man the guns".

 

[Timbot]

Two monkeys are getting unto a bath. One monkey says "ooh-ooh-ooh-ah-ah-ah". The other one says "well put some cold in then!"

 

[Timbot]

A man walks into a bar and asks the bar man for a double entendre so he gave him one.

 

[Timbot]

There are 11 types of people in the world- those who understand binary and those who don't.

 

[Samd]

There are 11 types of people in the world- those who understand binary and those who don't.

There's three sorts of Yorkshire folks: them uz can count an them uz can't.

 

[plastic penguin]

What does a seaside donkey get for lunch? About half an hour.