Stuff White People Like - #108 Appearing to enjoy Classical Music

Vladimir

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-quote-

There are a number of industries that survive solely upon white guilt: Penguin Classics, the SPCA, free range chicken farms, and the entire rubber bracelet market. Yet all of these pale in comparison to classical music, which has used white guilt to exist for over a century beyond its relevance.

Though white people do not actually listen to classical music, they like to believe that they are the type of people who would enjoy it. You can witness this first hand by going to any classical performance at your local symphony where you will see literally dozens of white couples who have paid upwards of $80 for the right to dress up and sit in a chair for hours reading every word in the program.

After leaving the concert hall, white people will immediately begin telling everyone they know about how much they loved the performance and how they plan to “go more often.” This is because white people see little to no value enjoying classical music without recognition from other white people. This can be seen first hand by looking at the plaques and bricks around all opera houses: they are covered in white person names.

If a white person starts talking to you about classical music, it’s essential that you tread very lightly. This is because white people are all petrified that they will be exposed as someone who has only a moderate understanding of classical music. When a white person encounters another white person who actually enjoys classical music (exceptionally rare), it is often considered to be one of the most traumatic experiences they can go through.

“Really? Beethoven’s 5th Symphony….that’s your favorite.”
“um, no, I mean…”
“You sure it’s not Pachebel’s Canon?”
“well, ah, I like that, ah, song”
“sigh, of course you do.”

Even the possibility of this conversation happening is enough to scare white people into attending up to (but no more than) two performances in any given classical season. Therefore it is essential that even if you possess a massive amount of knowledge about classical music, do not share it with a white person regardless of how much they profess to love it. It’s a recipe for disaster and shame.

As a defense mechanism against the possibility of being called out for a lack of familiarity with the early works of Antonin Dvorak, white people have started to list more contemporary composers as their favorites. Of course, the easiest way for them to do this is to choose composers with music that appears in independent films. Knowing these composers is almost a golden ticket into making white people think you are smart, but not TOO smart.

The first, of course, is Philip Glass. Not only does he have one of the best last names a white person can have, but he writes music used in smart documentaries. Thus combining multiple white passions into a single artist.

The second, and slightly more obscure, is Erik Satie. Composing at the end of the 19th century, Satie has risen to prominence among white people because his music has been sampled by popular musicians and featured in a number of independent films. Dropping this name at a dinner party will show that you are modern and post-modern at the same time. It is also a good idea to tell white people that your tastes in general are “modern and post-modern at the same time.” Don’t worry, you won’t have to explain it.

Note: Under no circumstances should you ever list John Williams or Danny Elfman as your favorite composer.

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lpv

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I like classical... especially XX century polish composers.. I’ve spend more time in concert halls than any other rock, pop, jazz or disco venues. however the article is spot on, there are many ****** and poseurs in concert halls all over the place
 

insider9

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That's a very witty blog. Going through the list here's a few highlihts
#2 Religions that their parents don’t belong to#9 Making you feel bad about not going outside#28 Not Having a TV
 

insider9

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lpv said:
I like classical... especially XX century polish composers.. I’ve spend more time in concert halls than any other rock, pop, jazz or disco venues. however the article is spot on, there are many ****** and poseurs in concert halls all over the place

Can you please name a few? ;)
 

tonky

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Vladimir said:
-quote-

There are a number of industries that survive solely upon white guilt: Penguin Classics, the SPCA, free range chicken farms, and the entire rubber bracelet market. Yet all of these pale in comparison to classical music, which has used white guilt to exist for over a century beyond its relevance.

Though white people do not actually listen to classical music, they like to believe that they are the type of people who would enjoy it. You can witness this first hand by going to any classical performance at your local symphony where you will see literally dozens of white couples who have paid upwards of $80 for the right to dress up and sit in a chair for hours reading every word in the program.

After leaving the concert hall, white people will immediately begin telling everyone they know about how much they loved the performance and how they plan to “go more often.” This is because white people see little to no value enjoying classical music without recognition from other white people. This can be seen first hand by looking at the plaques and bricks around all opera houses: they are covered in white person names.

If a white person starts talking to you about classical music, it’s essential that you tread very lightly. This is because white people are all petrified that they will be exposed as someone who has only a moderate understanding of classical music. When a white person encounters another white person who actually enjoys classical music (exceptionally rare), it is often considered to be one of the most traumatic experiences they can go through.

“Really? Beethoven’s 5th Symphony….that’s your favorite.”“um, no, I mean…”“You sure it’s not Pachebel’s Canon?”“well, ah, I like that, ah, song”“sigh, of course you do.”

Even the possibility of this conversation happening is enough to scare white people into attending up to (but no more than) two performances in any given classical season. Therefore it is essential that even if you possess a massive amount of knowledge about classical music, do not share it with a white person regardless of how much they profess to love it. It’s a recipe for disaster and shame.

As a defense mechanism against the possibility of being called out for a lack of familiarity with the early works of Antonin Dvorak, white people have started to list more contemporary composers as their favorites. Of course, the easiest way for them to do this is to choose composers with music that appears in independent films. Knowing these composers is almost a golden ticket into making white people think you are smart, but not TOO smart.

The first, of course, is Philip Glass. Not only does he have one of the best last names a white person can have, but he writes music used in smart documentaries. Thus combining multiple white passions into a single artist.

The second, and slightly more obscure, is Erik Satie. Composing at the end of the 19th century, Satie has risen to prominence among white people because his music has been sampled by popular musicians and featured in a number of independent films. Dropping this name at a dinner party will show that you are modern and post-modern at the same time. It is also a good idea to tell white people that your tastes in general are “modern and post-modern at the same time.” Don’t worry, you won’t have to explain it.

Note: Under no circumstances should you ever list John Williams or Danny Elfman as your favorite composer.

Original article

,
 

lpv

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insider9 said:
lpv said:
I like classical... especially XX century polish composers.. I’ve spend more time in concert halls than any other rock, pop, jazz or disco venues. however the article is spot on, there are many ****** and poseurs in concert halls all over the place

Can you please name a few? ;)

krzysztof penderecki

witold lutoslawski

grazyna bacewicz

pawel szymanski

henryk gorecki

pawel mykietyn
 

insider9

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lpv said:
krzysztof penderecki

witold lutoslawski

grazyna bacewicz

pawel szymanski

henryk gorecki

pawel mykietyn

Thanks! Will have a listen.

I've bursts where I listen to a couple of classical albums every couple of months. So far I only ever go back to Chopin on a regular basis.
 

Vladimir

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What's terrifying is how many of the boxes I tick as accurate description of myself.

I have no TV and I tell people about it!!!

Gulp!
 
It's certainly a strange old world, this classical music stuff. My experience is probably pretty untypical once I got past my teenage years, as a couple of family members were performers, and one studied music to doctorate level.

When I worked in London in the 80's and 90's, I had the time and money to indulge in many concerts, and related events. I also had a couple of friends who performed in less glamorous venues so also did my rounds of churches, music clubs and Uni halls.

There's no getting away from an almost inevitable class and wealth connection, though the white thing is obvious, it never really ocurred to me. I was more aware of the age bias towards the grey haired. Now I'm grey too, and I still see mostly older folk!

I would not change anything about the times I enjoyed though. I think it is what it is, and just as some orchestras were once all male, we now have thousands of female performers and great black artists.

On the point about pretending to know stuff, at a recent song recital, where there were sheets with translations provided as well as free programmes, the lady next to me grabbed my arm after about 4 of a group of 8 songs in a cycle. "When do we get to clap?" she noisily whispered!
 

cse

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I've seen afew asians at classical concerts.

I only listen to classical. Mostly radio 3 live broadcasts in the evening. Have a few hundred CD's and listen to them regularly. Attend the Proms in London every summer ans Snape Maltings throughout the year (home of Benjamin Britten). Also go to the Barbican and Kings Place in London, usually after a football match and a curry. Never see any of the football supporters at the concert though. Pop/rock bores me and has done since my mid-twenties (except Neil Young and Van Morrison). Love the string quartets of Phillip Glass by the way, but my number one composser is the God that is Gustav Mahler. His nine symphonies will live we me forever. Heard the postumous 10th at the Albert Hall this summer, but I dont really goin for reconstruction. Shostakovich and Stravinsky come a close second and third. I could go on. I aslo rarely meet anyone with any knowledge of what they are listening to and many concert goers look relatively unmoved by what they are listening to, mostly because its the first time that they have heard it.
 

lpv

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Vladimir said:
insider9 said:
lpv said:
I like classical... especially XX century polish composers.. I’ve spend more time in concert halls than any other rock, pop, jazz or disco venues. however the article is spot on, there are many ****** and poseurs in concert halls all over the place

Can you please name a few? ;)

He just steamrolled over you joke, leaving no doubts or insecurities that he may actually not be erudite about classical that much.

100% #ffffff
 

cse

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I think you could extend the conversation to serious culture in general. For many of us who are moved by the great works of art it really replaces the gap left by not believing in god. Beethovens late piano sonatas and string quartets, Chopins scherzos, Mahler 2,3,4,6,8 and 9, Brahms 3 and 4, Shostakovich 4,5,6,10, Stravinsky ballets, Mozart’s quintets, Sibelius 5 and 7, ........... sorry this is getting boring are all capable of moving you to another level of profoundity rarelely achieved by the lowest common denominator popular culture. They are all such life affirming works of great depth and magnitude, that once appreciated will stay with you for a lifetime and warrant multiple visits to hear live as welll acquiring numerous recorded performances of the same work repeated. This can not really be said of 4 minute pop songs or even Slighly longer album tracks from the 70s heard first in your youth. In terms of literature its like when you have learned how to read, forever only being allowed to sample comics. Great novels of the 20th century that have something to say about the human condition are also on a similar higher plain, but again I never come across anyone who is interested in anything beyond the contemporary best seller list. As Will Self said when Ishiguro was awarded the Nobel prize recently, it’s unlikely to place the novel back into the centre of cultural life for the general public. I could go on ........I live amongst automaton philistinism.
 
CSE, I agree about the great works, though naturally my favoured list would be a bit different. It takes perseverance and effort to hear the same work enough times to distinguish the qualities of differing performances. That's one reason I've enjoyed piano competitions, for all their faults. Likewise violin and conducting comps - all very revealing. I don't often attend a concert without listening to a recording first, though I made a determined exception for Mahler 2, and you can guess the result.

Just to add I was in the same year at the same school as Kazuo Ishiguru, not that much of his brilliance rubbed of on me, as while he was in the Arts stream, I was in the Sciences. Another of our peers went onto run a very fine early music label, so I was in good company!
 
Q

QuestForThe13thNote

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It seems to me that whoever wrote the article in the posted link has got some serious hang ups about the class system and enjoying classical music being inter-generational and being well beyond class.

My grandad was in the Koyli regiment of Yorkshire and went over to fight the Japanese in Burma. A modest man with modest means and he was very much into classical but hardly went to concerts. The type of people who listen to classical music in our society are very much of different social backgrounds, if you look at the places where you can attend like the royal Albert Hall. I also know snape maltings in Suffolk as I went to school in brandeston/Framlingham, and it has a great traditional classical music scene, with Britain having lived in Aldeburgh nearby.

The post is true to the extent of the hoy polloy of society who attend some London classical gigs, where prices are high and it tends only to be businesses entertaining their clients, but this does not reflect everyday venues with people interested in music. In Ipswich I used to go to operas in the theatre there, and everyone would be there from all different walks of life. I suspect if you went over to a Mozart concert in Salzburg, it would be very exclusive and this type of high society approach.

But I like Satie and the film being talked about is the one with the trapeze artist walking between the twin towers in New York. I think it was called ‘man on wire’. His gymnopedies piano pieces. But I like classical and of the traditional composers, particular favourites are Mozart, saint-Saens, Shostakovich, and Rachmaninov.

My attitude is if you really like classical music to fit in, you probably aren’t a music lover to start with. On the other hand, it might be possible to maintain an argument if you don’t like some classical music pieces, this can apply too.
 

Vladimir

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insider9 said:
lpv said:
I like classical... especially XX century polish composers.. I’ve spend more time in concert halls than any other rock, pop, jazz or disco venues. however the article is spot on, there are many ****** and poseurs in concert halls all over the place

Can you please name a few? ;)

He just steamrolled over your joke, leaving no doubts or insecurities that he may actually not be erudite about classical that much.

100% #ffffff
 

Vladimir

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The problem is postmodern attention span. Most people multitask constantly even when they don't need to. No one does one thing at a time. You play music, drive, text, check twitter, drink soda, take pics for instagram etc. Rarely anyone sits and just listens to music and gets lost in it. That's why you have simplicity in popular music, with a lot of repetition and simple catchy melodies and lyrics.
 
Q

QuestForThe13thNote

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I was multi tasking the other day with my driving. I was texting at the same time. I’m not excusing it for one moment, but we’ve all done things we regret when we are drunk.
 

Electro

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Vladimir said:
The problem is postmodern attention span. Most people multitask constantly even when they don't need to. No one does one thing at a time. You play music, drive, text, check twitter, drink soda, take pics for instagram etc. Rarely anyone sits and just listens to music and gets lost in it. That's why you have simplicity in popular music, with a lot of repetition and simple catchy melodies and lyrics.

I find it absolutely impossible to do anything else when listening to music on my main system no matter how hard I might try, the music takes me over completely regardless of genre.

I do just about manage to post on the forum when listening to my computer system though, I am currently listening to Mari Boine's new album 'See the Woman' and the music is pulling me away as I type .......
 

Vladimir

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Electro said:
Vladimir said:
The problem is postmodern attention span. Most people multitask constantly even when they don't need to. No one does one thing at a time. You play music, drive, text, check twitter, drink soda, take pics for instagram etc. Rarely anyone sits and just listens to music and gets lost in it. That's why you have simplicity in popular music, with a lot of repetition and simple catchy melodies and lyrics.

I find it absolutely impossible to do anything else when listening to music on my main system no matter how hard I might try, the music takes me over completely regardless of genre.

I do just about manage to post on the forum when listening to my computer system though, I am currently listening to Mari Boine's new album 'See the Woman' and the music is pulling me away as I type .......

Indeed it's hard not to be shocked and focus like deer in front of headlights by her voice. I can play Loreena McKennitt and do other stuff, but no way with Mari Boine.
 

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