• If you ever spot Spam (either in the forums, or received via forum direct message) please use the Report button at the bottom of each post to make sure a Moderator can handle it quickly. Thanks for your help in keeping things running smoothly!

Invent a new problem for / with hi-fi and a product to solve it...

Benedict_Arnold

New member
Jan 16, 2013
661
1
0
It seems to me that there are a lot of products out there that are so-say intended to solve hi-fi problems that dont really exist.

Of course, my patent pending speaker oil doesn't fall into this category, but...

how about the collective posting up their own favorite non existent problems and products supposedly intended to solve them?

Real or imagined, I expect the results to be just as humorous...

Oh. And don't mention mains conditioners. I did once, but I think I got away with it...
 

chebby

Well-known member
Jun 2, 2008
1,233
5
19,195
A genuine 'bookshelf speaker' that really does perform best on a bookshelf, between the books. No need for stands and no need for it's own 'territory' behind it and on both sides (so more space).
 

spiny norman

New member
Jan 14, 2009
293
0
0
chebby said:
A genuine 'bookshelf speaker' that really does perform best on a bookshelf, between the books. No need for stands and no need for it's own 'territory' behind it and on both sides (so more space).
No shortage of those in the past, from the days when speakers were used in normal rooms rather than taking them over.

 

Superaintit

New member
Feb 8, 2009
100
0
0
Every seasoned audiophile knows that his kit performs best only when warmed up properly.

Ladies en gentlemen I present to you the completely unique and patent pending hifi warmup:



Yours for only 999,- per unit.
 

Superaintit

New member
Feb 8, 2009
100
0
0
The earhorn: an elegant contraption that saves you money by giving you a stereo image from only 1 speaker!

 

Superaintit

New member
Feb 8, 2009
100
0
0
The disappearing speaker. This is actually quite a good idea. Why hide the speakers if you can make them bigger and integrate it into a cabinet?

 

Benedict_Arnold

New member
Jan 16, 2013
661
1
0
Sound wave gravity compensation pads.

Ever heard the expression "fall of shot"? Projectiles fire from a gun are subject to the effects of gravity, falling closer and closer to earth the further they depart from the gun. That phenomenon is called "fall of shot".
Sound wave can be affected too, especially if you have high density foundations like concrete slabs.
Now Andrew Russell brings you his patent gravity compensation pads.
Fixed to your ceiling these ingenious patented devices emit subtle anti gravity waves. Not strong enough for humans or animals to feel, they do, as tested by the Bern Observatory, Geneva University System (BOGUS) emit very subtle anti gravity waves just strong enough to pull on sound waves and to keep them travelling straight and level.
$10,999.99 per pad. You may need to reinforce your ceilings and have ready access to your own flux capacitor.
 

bigfish786

Moderator
Jan 29, 2013
333
159
19,070
An add on to any CD player that adds rumble, wow, flutter, static, pops and clicks to all your favourite discs.

Obviously, Cyrus and Naim will offer upgrade power supplies for the unit too.

why wouldn't they?

*pardon*
 

nopiano

Well-known member
Feb 15, 2009
637
394
19,270
Benedict_Arnold said:
Sound wave gravity compensation pads.

Ever heard the expression "fall of shot"? Projectiles fire from a gun are subject to the effects of gravity, falling closer and closer to earth the further they depart from the gun. That phenomenon is called "fall of shot". Sound wave can be affected too, especially if you have high density foundations like concrete slabs. Now Andrew Russell brings you his patent gravity compensation pads. Fixed to your ceiling these ingenious patented devices emit subtle anti gravity waves. Not strong enough for humans or animals to feel, they do, as tested by the Bern Observatory, Geneva University System (BOGUS) emit very subtle anti gravity waves just strong enough to pull on sound waves and to keep them travelling straight and level. $10,999.99 per pad. You may need to reinforce your ceilings and have ready access to your own flux capacitor.
. Love it!! BOGUS ...
 

expat_mike

Well-known member
Mar 30, 2013
160
3
18,595
There is ample proof in the posts on this forum, that the biggest problem in hifi is audiophile ear syndrome.

Those suffering from this syndrome regularly report sympoms that they believe they hear substantial sound improvements, caused by using highly expensive interconnects, power supply lines, isolation pads etc.

Andrew Russell has come to their rescue. He has hired Dr Trevsey, an audiophile acoustics expert, to develop an audiophile sound wave harmonizer, that sufferers can personally fit into their ear canals. Dr Trevsey guarantees that any audiophile who uses this harmonizer, will no longer be able to detect any difference to the sound quality, no matter how much money they spend on highly expensive interconnects, power supply lines, isolation pads etc.

Sufferers can buy bags of this harmonizer for £99 from his online store. Dr Trevsey wishes to point out, that the similarity to bags of cotton wool, is purely coincidental.
 

Benedict_Arnold

New member
Jan 16, 2013
661
1
0
nopiano said:
Benedict_Arnold said:
Sound wave gravity compensation pads.

Ever heard the expression "fall of shot"? Projectiles fire from a gun are subject to the effects of gravity, falling closer and closer to earth the further they depart from the gun. That phenomenon is called "fall of shot". Sound wave can be affected too, especially if you have high density foundations like concrete slabs. Now Andrew Russell brings you his patent gravity compensation pads. Fixed to your ceiling these ingenious patented devices emit subtle anti gravity waves. Not strong enough for humans or animals to feel, they do, as tested by the Bern Observatory, Geneva University System (BOGUS) emit very subtle anti gravity waves just strong enough to pull on sound waves and to keep them travelling straight and level. $10,999.99 per pad. You may need to reinforce your ceilings and have ready access to your own flux capacitor.
. Love it!! BOGUS ...
You'll love the Texas (Waco) Audophile Design and Development Laboratory Establishment (TWADDLE) then....

I once worked for a company whose Norwegian CEO came up with a new name for the Trinidad subisdiarty - Technip Offshire Trinidand and Tobago, Inc. - or TOTTI to you and I. It took the Brits half a morning to explain why he couldn't use that name and the rest of us spent the day making up other names like Technip Offshore Subsea Service, Engineering, and Resources...
 

nopiano

Well-known member
Feb 15, 2009
637
394
19,270
That reminds me that I once had a spell in an O&M department, where we measured how long clerical tasks took. To measure the through-put on an adding machine, I developed a type of ruler that measured the way the machines used their paper outputs. It was an Audit Roll Space Evaluator.

It caught on quickly enough, and the office would ring with cries of: "Who's got John's arse?" (Not his real name!)
 

TrevC

Well-known member
Jun 12, 2013
373
169
19,070
Benedict_Arnold said:
It seems to me that there are a lot of products out there that are so-say intended to solve hi-fi problems that dont really exist.

Of course, my patent pending speaker oil doesn't fall into this category, but...

how about the collective posting up their own favorite non existent problems and products supposedly intended to solve them?

Real or imagined, I expect the results to be just as humorous...

Oh. And don't mention mains conditioners. I did once, but I think I got away with it...
Almost anything in the Russ catalogue?
 

chebby

Well-known member
Jun 2, 2008
1,233
5
19,195
TrevC said:
Benedict_Arnold said:
It seems to me that there are a lot of products out there that are so-say intended to solve hi-fi problems that dont really exist.

Of course, my patent pending speaker oil doesn't fall into this category, but...

how about the collective posting up their own favorite non existent problems and products supposedly intended to solve them?

Real or imagined, I expect the results to be just as humorous...

Oh. And don't mention mains conditioners. I did once, but I think I got away with it...
Almost anything in the Russ catalogue?
'Almost'?
 

Gaz37

Well-known member
Sep 23, 2014
58
0
10,540
Many audiophiles use Blutac for sticking speakers to stands etc.
It also appears to be accepted wisdom that the more you pay for something the better it is (remember you get what you pay for)
So my plan is to buy packs of Blutac for 99p, stick it in some fancy packaging and market it as Acoustic Damping Tac.
It will be available in three grades-

Bronze for systems costing up to £1k, retailing at £10

Silver for systems between £1k & £10k at £50 per pack

Gold for systems £10k upwards at £100 per pack

Obviously what's inside will be the same (like most hifi kit) but owners of the Gold grade Tac will undoubtedly convince themselves it sounds better because it costs more.
 

ASK THE COMMUNITY

TRENDING THREADS